Every February, just as you get over dropping a wad of cash on Christmas, retailers unite to convince you to buy even more shit for other people. This time around, for the ones you want to have sex with. And if you think the mere act of buying something on or before the 14th is enough to get you laid, these gifts would beg to differ.
Myth: Women hate gadget gifts. Truth: We know (from experience, believe it or not) that isn't true. While the old adage about never giving a woman a gift that plugs in is generally good advice, it's more rooted in men thoughtlessly giving presents they like than the often-erroneous assumption that gals and gadgets don't mix. All you need to do is pair some thought with your tech toy, and you just might reach her On switch.
But where to start? That's where we come in. Guys, we've got 10 Valentine's Gifts for your sweetheart — from tech fashion to MP3 players made for romance — to help you navigate your way through this delicate obstacle course. Yes, buying gadgets for women can be done successfully. Yes, come with me.
10. Newman MP3 Players: Two Hearts Beat as One
Aw, look at this pair of little music players from Chinese manufacturer Newman. The two MP3 players can work perfectly apart, but put them together for the complete experience of … two MP3 players being near each other. Kinda like your relationship, no? Notice the two face silhouettes kissing each other as the two halves are brought together. Details are scarce, but the player supports MP3 and WMA audio formats, and their touching design operates by, you guessed it, touch-sensitive controls. You might want to keep this idea in mind for next year's Valentine's Day, because it's not quite available stateside just yet.
9. Your Face on Adam and Eve Artwork
History is rife with historical lovers, from Antony and Cleopatra to Romeo and Juliet to Mr. Miyagi and Daniel Laruso. Being immortalized with your lover as one of those couples probably seems like fun to someone in the theatre crowd, but even they might be hard pressed to find all that much romance in having their faces grafted onto Adam and Eve, a couple who probably did not have all that much hot, nasty sex with the face of an Old-Testament God scowling down at them all day.
8. Boobies Mouse Pad and Mini Red Love Heart Optical Laptop USB PC Computer Mouse
What you tell her: It's for you baby, to protect your wrists because of all that computer work you do.
Why it's for you: I love seeing you fondle another woman's boobs, even if it's a fake, rubberized woman.
7. Chocolate-Dipped Jalapenos
They say a woman's brain responds to chocolate very much the same way it does to sex, so clearly chocolate is the kind of gift you want to use to get her brain in the right place. But regular chocolate is for chumps. These chocolate jalapenos tell your girl "I think you need to pack on a few pounds, then spend a few hours on the shitter getting rid of it again." Romance may be dead but burning squirts are timeless.
6. Fiber-Optic Halter: Moral Fiber
Check out this halter top with fiber optic light running all through it. The $150 shirt's lighting can shine for 12 hours on a set of three AAA batteries, and it runs as cool as your lady is hot while she's wearing it. The low-voltage light strands are barely visible by day, but get her in a dimly-lit atmosphere and watch her light up the night. You can't fold these shirts, but after a smoky, sweaty night out on the town they are thankfully hand-washable. The tech is available in a variety of styles and colors, and there's even a muscle shirt for guys. [Source]
5. Small Valentine Gift Party Favor Red Paper Box with Heart Design
These Stunning Red Paper Gift Boxes suitable for Valentine's Day, Birthday, Christmas, Easter, Graduation, Wedding and more. Simplify your gift wrapping with a the Valentine's day themed gift box. Present will be more special when you wrap it in the classy box.
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4. Valentine Lovely Boy Girl Kissing Doll Telephone
Are you looking for a Valentine gift to your sweetheart in the coming valentine's day?These two lovely doll will be an perfect attractive present.Music with kiss sound, flashing colorful light with action. [Source]
And the two telephone is good gift too. Yes,here:
The fantastic Red Lips Telephone is shaped in the classic style lips of Marilyn Monroe. Sexy and charming, special design give you special fun. [Source]
Hot Hamburger Phone! The Hamburger Phone - Just like the one used in Juno. Juno uses this kind of Corded Hamburger Telephones to call a women's health clinic in the film. Wonderful gift for friends and kids! Awesome movie. [Source]
3. Stylish Couple Key Chain Ring Love Metal Keychain , Fashion Jewelry
I Love You Design Pair Couple Key Chain with Heart Pendant
With "I love you" design which carved on the heart. Heart pendant key chain are made of metal for durable to use. Not only can hold your keys and also a great decoration. With magnetic function when you put them together. [Source]
Fashion Jewelry LOVE COUPLE Phone String - I lover you
Romantic and novelty Heart Couple Keychain Metal Love Key Chain Ring for yourself, friends or your loved ones! This Couple Keychain can be separated or joined together as there is magnet in it, special design which makes it a perfect valentine gift, it is a great gift to receive or give! [Source]
Fashion Jewelry LOVE COUPLE Phone String - I lover you
Fashion Jewelry Men's Silver Chain "Love" 007
2. Romantic Musical Red Rose Flower Best Gift for Your Lover
Need Something Special for your Sweetheart? Why give her an ordinary red rose when you can give her one that plays music! This musical rose made from Polyester and plastic, with a red heart flashlight, romantic and charming, this special rose will give you sweetheart great pleasantly surprised! [Source]
1. Jib Jab Striptease Video
Here's a Valentine's Day gift that won't cost you a thing, but you might want to back it up with some candy or at least a card: a special (but tame) Valentine's Day striptease video from Jib Jab. You remember these clowns, don't you, the ones who lampooned both Bush and Kerry with that viral video in the '04 campaign? This goof electro-magically keys your face on a guy stripping for his mate (whose face you also supply — be sure to include the right gal's pic), something that you might be able to do in person, but this might go over better because it's not even supposed to be sexy. Might be good for a chuckle or two, and ladies, you can be the star of your own striptease, too.
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